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McDonald's McBundle Meal MukbangIn my mind, I had done the impossible. Seducing a thin and attractive person was like taking bronze, silver, and gold in the Former Fat Girl Olympics.
At some point that night, I remember lying next to him, still feeling unbelievably cocky from my victory, when Brian mentioned that I wasn't normally his type.
My inner Douchebag Alert went off. Oh god , I thought. Is this the part where he lets me know how nice he is for throwing my chubby ass a bone?
He was not ashamed. I suddenly realized that this was not an attempt to put me down, but rather just a thing a completely normal thing, to him that he was disclosing about himself.
In other words: It was conversation. But the little part of me inside that had been cheering for hours suddenly got very quiet. But I am your type , I thought sadly.
In that moment, I know that Brian had been saying that he didn't consider me to be big, but I know as well as anyone that people can't fundamentally change who they are attracted to.
Brian was still attracted to fat girls, and I was one of them. This, of course, did not take away from how into Brian I was.
We started dating almost immediately, and became inseparable. When I described him to people, I would tend to use celebrities who I was currently in love with as a frame of reference:.
It was during this time that I started slowly putting the weight back on. Not because Brian was doing anything to sabotage me — he was and is supportive of my wanting to eat well and exercise.
It was just a result of being in a happy relationship, suddenly having a full-time job, and life getting in the way.
Normal things. Six months into our relationship, I found myself in a very desperate laundry situation. I put on a sundress that I thought might be a little too backless for my current weight.
Brian, however, loved the dress. Maybe even a little too much — I spent a lot of time while wearing it swatting his hands away from the open back.
I felt happy wearing it, beautiful. Soon, I was wearing it all the time. Then, I wore it to a party. Late in the evening, Brian turned to a mutual friend of ours, and eagerly, drunkenly opined: "Doesn't Kristin look amazing in that dress?
The silence that followed felt like the moment before someone hits the button on a dunk tank, and you know that you are about to tumble, helpless, into a frosty tub of punishment.
I realized, belatedly, obviously, that to Brian, I did look amazing in that dress. Because I looked fat. When you are a fat person who is losing weight, people will come out of the woodwork to let you know how "amazing" you look — even my psychiatrist called me "the incredible shrinking woman" at nearly every appointment.
Well-meaning people felt this constant need to make it plain that I was somehow better once I had lost weight, and it only made it that much more painful when people stop telling you how good you look, and stop saying anything at all.
For the first time since I had started dating Brian, I looked at myself and realized that my body, almost without my realizing it, was reverting to back to its former fat state.
This is the real you , I thought. The other you was just a disguise. But you couldn't fool everyone forever. And the fewer compliments about my body that I got from other people, the more I would get from Brian.
It got to the point where compliments from Brian were actually painful to hear — every time he said "You look beautiful," all I could hear was "You look fat.
I started trying on outfits in front of Brian in order to get his opinion. It was a good system. Anything he liked, I wouldn't wear. It was during this time that I started being mean to myself — really, truly unkind.
I looked at myself for hours in the mirror the way a child might gawk at an ugly person on the street. I would push and pull the rolls of fat on my stomach with my hands as flat as I could, and try to imagine what my lower half would look like, unencumbered by what I had done to it.
I'd meet every compliment Brian gave me with something equally cruel about myself. It was like my self-image was in a tennis match, and it was more important for me to be right than for me to feel good.
Brian's expressions when I would rip myself to shreds eventually moved from sympathy to frustration. Even though I was and am loved, I still didn't feel that way — because in my mind, I had not earned it.
You won , I would try to tell myself. You still earned love while gaining weight. Then I went to an appointment with my psychiatrist, and for the first time in years, she said nothing about my body.
Nothing at all. No, I didn't win , I would tell myself instead. I got what I wanted, but I didn't do the work. That's cheating.
I cheated. And though Brian is and has always been open and confident with his preferences, they started to embarrass me. Once at a party, he mentioned that Rebel Wilson was hot to a group of people we were talking to.
But a thin one does. Suppose you are hanging out with your super hot and skinny girlfriend; some guys make a lewd comment about her.
She will expect you to go and pick up a fight with those guys even if you are outnumbered. But if you are with a fat girl you like, she will just go ahead and smack those guys herself.
Now obviously, a guy is not going to hit a girl even if she is fat. Basically, you get to save your skin! It is very easy to talk with plus size women rather than the thin and perfect figure maintained women.
Fat women are easy going and more carefree and the conversation becomes as normal as it should be. In case of perfectly sized women, they come with a lot of boundaries.
They don't open up easily. They make it hard for the men who approach them. Men like fat girls because there are many advantages of dating them.
These reasons above state the same and there are a lot of men who agree to the same. If you liked reading the article, drop in your feedback below in the comment section.
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